Beyond All or Nothing: Using DBT to Help Your Teen Navigate Emotions

When working with children, adolescents, and teenagers struggling with strong emotions, a common concern I often hear from parents is that they observe their child go from “0 to 100” within seconds, or that their child is often incapacitated by their extreme emotions. These emotions and mood shifts appear to occur “out of nowhere,” and families have often reported feeling blindsided and “walking on eggshells” around their child, never knowing when the mood will shift.

Have you ever observed your child experiencing intense and rapid shifts between sadness, anger, anxiety, and happiness or an increase in impulsive or risky behaviors? Have you seen your child struggle to maintain healthy relationships or operate in extremes (idolize someone one day and completely disregard them the next)? Have you ever observed a relatively “small” or “mundane” event trigger a full-blown crisis in your child?

Have you ever experienced having a seemingly normal conversation with your child on the way home from school when suddenly a comment you make can spark a large reaction—for example, when a comment such as, “You seem tired. Was school rough for you today?” results in tears, escalated voices, and claims of not being understood? Even a well-intentioned question can be misinterpreted as a criticism or sign of disappointment. 

This does not mean that your child’s emotions are not valid—however, the reaction to the situation may not be congruent or fit the facts with the situation at hand. This also does not mean that there is something fundamentally “wrong” with your child. Think of this as an indicator from your child’s nervous system that they are in need of different coping strategies and tools to navigate these emotions. Oftentimes, children aren’t intentionally trying to have these big reactions—a lot of it may have been learned behavior, which served as an effective strategy and protective factor for them at that specific time in their life. However, these strategies are no longer needed/serving an effective purpose.

This is when Dialectical Behavior Therapy (DBT) can come into play. DBT is not designed to stop these emotional reactions; rather it is a treatment modality which can help your child learn the skills to “ride the waves” of their emotions instead of drowning in the wave or getting completely wiped away by the emotion. DBT can help your child see the middle path and realize that they do not always have to operate in one extreme or the opposite extreme. 

DBT Group can be a practical, effective, and hands-on approach to learning tangible skills to change behaviors and navigate their emotions. In group, teenagers won’t just be processing and talking about their feelings, rather they will be given the concrete skills to help find a balance and actively work to change the behaviors that no longer serve a healthy purpose. 

There are 4 core modules in a DBT group: 

1. Mindfulness: learning how to stay present; observing your thoughts and feelings without judgement

2. Distress tolerance: learning how to get through a crisis situation without acting on unsafe or unhealthy behaviors

3. Emotion Regulation: learning how to manage emotions on a day-to-day basis to reduce the intensity of those emotions and the intensity of mood-swings

4. Interpersonal Effectiveness: learning how to communicate their needs, wants, and desires, navigate conflict, and set appropriate boundaries

DBT Group will provide a community of support and learning, which will give your child the room they need to identify ways in which they can build their confidence, grow their self-esteem and gain further clarity on their patterns of thoughts and behaviors.

Throughout the group, teens will also learn to manage emotions, reduce reactivity, and increase self-awareness. Teens will have the opportunity to practice skills for improving relationships, navigating social dynamics, and building resilience and confidence as they return to school routines and participate in weekly processing, where they’ll reflect on how they’ve applied skills in real-life situations.

The shared experience in a group can create a sense of belonging and community that can be healing and can establish a foundation for a balanced, healthy, and confident future for your child. It can also give you a chance to build a deeper and renewed connection with your child. 

If you’ve been looking for an interactive and guided way to support your child, I encourage you to reach out and learn more about our upcoming fall DBT skills group. Remember, you are not alone in this, and we are here to help!