The Un-Stuffing of Gratitude: How to Ditch the Performative Postings
Lately, I have started to notice something different about the way gratitude shows up in my life. If we’re being real, gratitude doesn’t always have to coincide with when the calendar says it should. I’ve noticed that every time Thanksgiving comes around, I find myself getting stuck in this same “doom scroll” on social media by watching everyone’s travel snapshots, cozy family moments, and perfectly crafted “#grateful” posts. It’s hard not to dissect these posts further and point out how it may even feel a bit performative. And instead of feeling inspired, something strange happens; the more gratitude we see, the less grateful we feel. It’s eerily ironic that the one time of the year that is meant to deepen our appreciation often makes us more aware of what’s missing rather than what we already have.
Gratitude is in place to help us feel more grounded, but somewhere along the way, our culture kind of hijacked it. We are constantly told to “be thankful,” but are we ever told how to actually practice the art of gratitude? Social media and advertisements have bent over backwards to tell us to be grateful…by covertly reminding us of everything we don’t have and what we should get someone in order to truly show them we are grateful for them. This generates clicks on their ads, which then leads to comparison, and that comparison then leads to consumption. Even gratitude lists have become competitive to the point where people use these lists to one-up each other, which further perpetuates achievement culture and obsession. This has turned the ancient, soulful practice of gratitude into something performative. Gratitude has now turned into a display as opposed to something to dwell and live in.
But it doesn’t have to be that way. We can interrupt the attention economy and comparison cycle by practicing gratitude outside of the holidays and in a way that feels unique and genuine to you. It interrupts the systems that keep us scrolling, shopping, and self-criticizing. Gratitude doesn't always have to be performed in one way or the other. Gratitude doesn’t necessarily mean you have to pull out a candle, sit in a dark room, and begin journaling, nor does it mean you have to flood social media with posts about how grateful you are!
Six Practical Ways to Practice Gratitude Year Round
1. Create a “Reverse Bucket” List
Instead of listing things you want to do before you die, make a list of what you’ve already done or accomplished to rewire how you view experiences in your life.
Reframing Fulfillment: What if fulfillment isn’t something you are waiting for in the future, but something you’ve been living all along?
Celebrating the Ordinary: This list can help reframe success and help us see things that may have been out of reach but have now quietly become ordinary.
Honoring Your Journey: It teaches you to savor experiences rather than chase them and reminds you of all you’ve been through and accomplished.
Acknowledging Growth: Even difficult challenges can go on this list as they have shaped who you have become and serve as a reminder of your courage and healing.
How to Start:
Start small by writing 10-15 things you’ve done (big or small, conversations, interactions, trips, etc.) that have made your life meaningful.
Reflect on it each season and add to it.
Do it with friends and family as a dinner table exercise.
The Benefit: This interrupts your brain’s negativity bias, reminds you to honor what’s already been, and serves as a lens through which you can better understand yourself and the world around you.
2. Practice a Gratitude Fast
Try going 14-24 hours without shopping, comparing yourself to someone, or complaining, and notice what feels abundant even without external input.
Note: This does not mean pretending everything is fine. Rather, it is choosing to see abundance even in moments of imperfection.
3. Try a Digital Detox
If you've caught yourself doom-scrolling or spiraling due to social media, make a conscious effort to prepare your mindset prior to opening an app.
Name Your Assets: Prior to opening social media, name three things you already have that an algorithm can’t sell you (or that seeing someone else have can't take away).
Examples: This could be things like your health, your family, or personal relationships.
Affirmation: Remind yourself of what you already have that you need to feel whole right now.
4. Stand on Business (The Actionable Gratitude)
Standing on business, the saying that was recently made popular by Justin Bieber, doesn’t just have to be a pop culture reference, and can actually be used as a concept to put gratitude to action. Standing on business is the act of taking responsibility and living a life that is congruent with upholding your beliefs and values. Use this concept to connect action with your gratitude.
Communicate It: Instead of quietly telling yourself you are grateful for a friend or family member, text them, call them, and tell them!
Tie Gratitude to Action:
If you’re grateful for your creativity, spend 10 minutes honoring that trait and using your creativity.
If you’re grateful for your time, think about ways in which you may overcommit that may be burning you out.
If you’re grateful for your peace, set that boundary you’ve been avoiding due to fear of upsetting someone.
Remember: The actions do not have to be performative; they can be something just for you.
5. Attach Gratitude to a Task You Already Do
Connect a moment of thankfulness to a routine, subconscious task.
Example 1: Unlock your phone? Think of someone you appreciate.
Example 2: Brushing your teeth? Think of one thing that helped you get up this morning (or one thing that went well that day if at the end of the day).
6. Reframe Daily Annoyances
This one can be difficult, especially for me when I’m stuck in ATL traffic, but finding a positive spin helps manage frustration and shift focus to what you do have.
Annoyance: Someone cut me off in traffic.
Reframe: “Dang, they must really have somewhere to be, or they probably really need to use the restroom, which is why they’re speeding up to the point of cutting me off in traffic.” (Cultivating empathy instead of anger.)
Annoyance: I’m stuck in traffic.
Reframe: “This means I have more time in my car to enjoy my playlists.”
Annoyance: It’s raining.
Reframe: “This means my plants outside are watered already!”
It can be challenging to practice gratitude outside of your yearly Thanksgiving roundtable, however, the more that you practice it on a regular basis, the more ingrained it becomes as a day-to-day practice. Starting by simply noticing what’s enough at the end of each day, can be a step forward.