Love Thyself: Nurturing Your Relationship with You
What comes to your mind when you think of self-love? For some, there is a layer of resistance toward the thought of self-love because they view it as being vain, selfish, or even narcissistic. However, true self-love is none of these things. It is the practice of treating yourself with self-acceptance, self-respect, and self-compassion while also prioritizing self-care and self-improvement. It does not seek or need external validation; rather, it is the foundation upon which you build a fulfilling and meaningful existence. Let’s dive deeper in the principles of self-love, how to develop it, and the benefits.
What Is Self-Love?
Self-respect involves recognizing your inherent worth, setting healthy boundaries, and treating yourself with kindness and dignity. Having self-respect means that you value your thoughts, feelings, and needs while not settling for anything that compromises your well-being and integrity. Practicing self-respect may mean that at times you may have to distance yourself from people, places, and situations that compromise your welfare, safety, and happiness. It is also setting boundaries with yourself and ensuring that you speak to and about yourself with kindness and positive regard.
Self-compassion is the practice of being gentle and supportive of yourself, acknowledging emotions without judgement, and recognizing your own humanity when you feel that you have fallen short of the goals that you have set for yourself. It is forgiving yourself for mistakes you have made or for how you have treated others or allowed yourself to be treated to unburden yourself from feelings of guilt and shame. It is treating yourself with the same empathy and care that you would extend to loved ones which fosters a sense emotional resilience.
Self-acceptance is the act of fully embracing all aspects of the self, even those that you may not be particularly fond of. It extends grace and understanding for all perceived weaknesses, limitations, and imperfections. It is acknowledging that you are worthy just as you are, which brings forth a sense of comfort and peace that allows you to live authentically free from the judgement of your environment.
Self-care is the intentional actions that you take to honor what it is you need in the moment. While some may think of long baths, spa days, mindfulness practices, and other leisure activities, it goes so far beyond this. While prioritizing rest is important, self-care also encompasses actions that support your overall well-being and participating in activities that support your physical, emotional, social, and spiritual wellness.
Self-improvement is about recognizing your potential and striving to live a life that is congruent with your personal goals and values. In the context of self-love, it is all about accepting who and where you are now while loving yourself too much to stay there. It is a lifelong journey of personal development of various aspects of the self, which includes self-awareness, obtaining knowledge, developing a healthy mindset, learning new skills, and creating healthier habits. It is not about striving to or expecting perfection but rather a desire for progress.
How to Practice Self-Love
The Five Love Languages is a popular book which describes the different ways that people give and receive love in the context of romantic relationships. These five domains, which include words of affirmation, acts of service, receiving gifts, quality time, and physical touch, can also be included within a self-care routine to practice self-love. While most people have a top love language that makes them feel the most cared for and appreciated, it is not the end all be all. To be loved is to be understood and accepted unconditionally, and through understanding the self, you may realize that your main love language may evolve or vary depending on what is going on for you in that moment. Below are some examples of how to intentionally practice loving yourself with intention.
Words of affirmation: Positive self-talk, using affirmations, and acknowledging accomplishments.
Example: Repeating affirmations: “I am worthy of love and respect,” “I am capable of achieving my goals,” “I am enough just as I am,” “I am strong and resilient.”
Acts of service: Actions that make your life easier or provide a sense of purpose.
Example: Creating a self-care kit, getting gas on the way home so you don’t have to do it tomorrow morning.
Receiving gifts: Purchasing small gifts as a form of self-appreciation or services that lighten to load.
Example: Buying yourself a small gift or flowers, splurging on a cleaning service when you feel overwhelmed.
Quality time: Dedicating focused time to yourself to engage in activities that bring you peace, joy, or simply being present in the moment.
Example: Taking yourself out on a date, going on a hike, spending time in nature, reading a book.
Physical touch: Engaging in activities that involve physical comfort and relaxation.
Example: Wrapping your arms around yourself in an embrace, self-massage, taking a warm bath, practicing yoga.
Benefits of Self-Love
Self-love has many benefits to overall well-being. It supports emotional wellness by reducing anxiety, depression, stress, and negative self-talk while promoting a healthier mindset. When one can fully accept themselves, there is a greater sense of happiness, peace, and joy. Studies have even shown that it can promote physical wellness through the improved immune functions and lowering stress hormones through improved emotional regulation skills. Improving the relationship with the self tends to lead to healthier and more fulfilling relationships with others, thereby promoting social wellness. It can help with financial wellness through reduced self-doubt and negative self-talk and increased confidence to set goals and increased motivation to see them through.
Remember that you deserve love, kindness, and appreciation not only from others but also from yourself. Take time today to express appreciation for the unique individual that you are today while remembering that self-love does take time to cultivate and grows stronger with time and practice.
“My mission, should I choose to accept it, is to find peace with exactly who and what I am. To take pride in my thoughts, my appearance, my talents, my flaws and to stop this incessant worrying that I can’t be loved as I am.”
—Anaïs Nin