A Love Story That Doesn’t Require a Valentine
February is notorious for being the month that turns the volume all the way up for romance. Whether that’s having our social media feeds flooded with perfectly created relationship announcements, “soft” launches that still somehow feel loud, or highlight reels of flowers, surprise trips, extravagant gifts, and candlelit dinners, the messaging of romance is front and center everywhere we go. Even grocery stores overflow with red and pink every February. Despite trying to opt out or disengage, the cultural emphasis on romantic partnership remains pervasive.
Valentine’s Day does celebrate connection, but more often than not, it has an unintended side effect. For many people, this holiday can quietly intensify feelings of loneliness, inadequacy, or shame. Even people in secure relationships may find the constant pressure exhausting. When romance is placed on a pedestal, it can immediately lead to feelings of overwhelm instead of joy.
Personally, February has always been my favorite month but for a different reason. It’s my birthday month, and over the years I’ve come to view it as an opportunity to intentionally practice self-love. Instead of focusing on what everyone says the month should look like, I have learned to use this time to check in with myself, reflect, and reconnect with what feels nourishing and replenishing for me. In many ways, February has become less about external validation and more about turning inward with intention and care.
In the midst of all of this, what ends up getting neglected is the relationship that we have with ourselves. It is much more normalized to see narratives about being “chosen” by someone else than stories about choosing yourself. Eating at a restaurant by yourself, spending a quiet evening at home, or taking yourself out on a solo date is still frequently framed as “lonely” or “sad” rather than intentional or empowering (despite the progress we as a society may have made). Self-love and self-compassion are rarely portrayed as the forefront of celebration or meaningful to mention.
As social media cycles through nostalgia (hello, throwback to 2016 trends!) and viral moments, self-compassion asks something quieter of us: to pause, to notice, and to tend to our inner world instead of constantly comparing it to someone else’s highlight reel.
What Is Self-Compassion and Self-Love?
Self-compassion is the practice of responding to yourself with kindness, patience, and understanding, especially during moments of difficulty or perceived failure. It means allowing yourself to be human, which includes understanding that we are imperfect, learning, and deserving of care even when things don’t go as planned. Self-compassion invites curiosity and acceptance rather than immediate criticism.
Self-love is similar, but it is less about a single feeling and more about an ongoing relationship with yourself. It is cultivated over time by boundaries, self-respect, and consistent acts of care.
In our world where we often tie our self-worth to productivity, desirability, or our relationship status, both self-compassion and self-love can feel unnatural, unfamiliar, and even uncomfortable.
So, How Can We Begin to Nurture a Relationship With Ourselves?
Self-Love is not about perfection or constant optimism and positivity. It is about creating a relationship with yourself that feels safe, supportive, and sustainable. Here are a few ways we can begin practicing self-compassion, especially on Valentine’s Day:
Don’t Turn Mistakes Into Character Flaws (i.e. Don’t “Should” on Yourself)
Mistakes are a natural part of being human. Making a mistake does not automatically equate to you being a mistake. It is possible to make a mistake and then take accountability and learn all while still offering yourself care and understanding.
Schedule Intentional Time with Yourself
Just like you pencil in meetings or commitments into your calendar, it is important to intentionally set aside time to be with yourself. This does not need to be extravagant or elaborate. It could be an hour at home in comfortable clothes, baking, walking, going to a pilates class, journaling, or listening to a podcast that resonates with you. The goal is simply being present in an activity that feels nourishing to you (as opposed to driven by external pressures and expectations).
Show Up For Yourself
You do not need a special occasion or a date to put effort into how you care for yourself! Dressing in a way that makes you feel good, engaging in your skincare routine, or creating a comforting environment in your home can serve as reminders that you are worthy of care and attention, even if nobody is watching.
Release the Guilt Around Prioritizing Yourself
Remind yourself that putting yourself first is not selfish. Practicing self-compassion can actually strengthen other areas of your life, including your emotional well-being, relationships (with your partner, with your kids, with your family), and work satisfaction. It becomes easier to show up fully in other areas of your life when you are able to treat yourself with consistency and kindness.
Self-love and self-compassion does not look the same across the board. What feels restorative and healing to one person may feel draining to another, and it is important to remind yourself that this difference is not a failure. This highlights your individuality. Social media may present a “polished perfect” version of self-care, but in reality, self-love is deeply personal and often quiet.
This Valentine’s Day and this month, try shifting your focus inward and begin to intentionally notice how your perception of your self-worth changes when you intentionally pour into yourself and your growth. The most enduring love story isn’t always dramatic or public. Sometimes, it is the slow and steady relationship that you build with yourself. It’s okay to feel nostalgic for your 2016 self and remember who you were and the experiences that shaped you while also offering compassion to yourself now and that past version of you. You can honor your growth and still hold space for the younger parts of yourself that needed understanding and care.