The beginning of Fall and Spooky Season is the perfect time to reflect on the areas of our lives that we may be putting on the back burner and the parts of ourselves we may be “ghosting.”
“Ghosting” has become a familiar term for describing when someone suddenly disappears from a relationship, whether romantic or platonic. But how often do we consider the ways we might be ghosting the relationship we have with ourselves? Maybe you tell yourself you’re “protecting your peace,” when in reality, you’re avoiding deeper self-reflection or delaying the work of changing self-sabotaging patterns that interfere with your day-to-day functioning. Or perhaps you find yourself repeatedly saying “I’m fine” because admitting that you’re hurt or struggling feels too vulnerable.
Withdrawing, or in this sense, ghosting ourselves, can be a coping strategy we’ve learned to manage conflict, rejection, or overwhelming emotions. We may convince ourselves that if we avoid or suppress our feelings long enough, keep pushing forward, and stay busy or productive, we can somehow work our way out of having to address our emotions, feelings, and physical responses. But the reality is that, avoiding our own experiences, does NOT make them disappear. It really just delays the opportunity to understand and work through them.
(More on learning to be present with yourself in our blog post last month!)
So, How Can You Actually Put This Into Practice?
Start by reminding yourself that not every uncomfortable feeling means something is wrong. Experiencing difficult emotions is a natural part of being human, and feeling uncomfortable doesn’t automatically mean you need to avoid, suppress, or “ghost” what you’re experiencing. In fact, it can be healthier to give yourself permission to sit with an emotion and acknowledge it before immediately trying to make it go away.
One practice I personally find helpful is naming the feeling I’m experiencing and then exploring whether there might be a secondary or underlying emotion beneath it. From there, I give myself permission to pause and sit with what I’m feeling, rather than immediately searching for a way to fix it, get over it, or move past it. I take the time to regulate my mind and body, create the space I need to process the experience, and then determine what my next step might be. Of course, this is easier said than done, and I too can find myself overlooking these steps when I’m caught up in the moment or feeling overwhelmed. It is not necessary to “get it right” every time. What’s most important is recognizing that we’ve fallen back into old patterns and gently reminding ourselves that we can pause, check in with ourselves, and choose to respond differently.
Sometimes, we’re so eager to move past an uncomfortable feeling that we skip the opportunity to pause and understand what we need. Over time, this can perpetuate the cycle of ghosting ourselves, leading to increased self-criticism and eventually self-neglect. This can then begin to spill over into other areas of our lives too, including neglecting our physical needs, ignoring signs of stress or exhaustion, or putting off the basic care our bodies need. When we repeatedly dismiss what we’re feeling emotionally, we may also become less attuned to what we need physically.
Remember, your mental and physical needs are just as important as the needs of the people in your life. Consistently putting yourself last can take a toll on your well-being and even affect your ability to show up for others. So, if you’re someone who naturally leads with empathy and is always looking out for those around you, let this be your reminder that you deserve the same care, compassion, and attention too.
This spooky season, consider giving yourself a different kind of treat: The permission to stop avoiding yourself, listen to what you need, and show up for yourself with the same kindness you so freely offer others. No tricks here today, just this reminder to treat yourself with care!